Moments
by inkmonkey
Summary: Six moments in the course of a relationship. SSxRL
1. Seeing

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Remus' POV

The first time you saw him after so long, what struck you was how little he had changed. He was the same old Severus, as snarky and reclusive as ever. And just as much of a puzzle to you. He was so aloof, so unreadable. Even now, he shoots you the same inscrutable glances at dinner, gazing at you from under those sooty lashes, and tapping the table with those elegant hands. Hell, you still have the same fascination you had with him before. The same habit of watching him move, envying the grace he's always had, even as a teenager. He always slightly reminded you of a dancer, moving throught the halls to music only he could hear. You always wanted to unravel the mysteries of Severus Snape, but there was always something stopping you. Now that you have no excuse anymore, you may as well try...


	2. Chasing

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Severus' POV

You never expected that when you answered the door that evening that it could be anyone but one of your Slytherins, seeking help, or, God forbid, advice. Instead, it was Lupin, with an odd, nervous smile on his face. He slipped past you into the room, and somehow persuaded you to let him stay. You offered him a drink, and then ask him to come back for a game of chess. You'd never realized that actual conversation with a Gryffindor was possible before, and you're grateful it is. He's the only person since you started working here to even try, and the now frequent companionship highlights the previously ignored loneliness. Not being isolated was deeply unfamiliar at first; there was never a time you hadn't been before this. Voluntary physical contact is new as well. He puts a hand on your knee as he talks, and leans over your shoulder while you brew potions. You can't seem to put any trust into this lasting, though. Happiness never does.


	3. Claiming

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Remus' POV

You thought he'd realized what you were trying to do, with all the intimate touches and thinly veiled suggestive comments. He obviously hadn't though; when you kissed him, just a brush of lips on lips, he stiffened and stared, then quietly asked what kind of trick you were trying to play now. It took nearly an hour to convince him that you're serious, and that you really do like him that way. Then he gave you this odd smile and asked for another kiss. Things actually progressed quickly from there. Now you never spend a night alone, and know Severus' body by heart. It's almost a game now, pretending to hate each other in public; Severus is far better at it than you'll ever be, and he knows it. He points out gleefully that not even his Slytherins suspect a thing. For all anyone knows, you might really despise each other. You hope you never do again.


	4. Leaving

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Severus' POV

It doesn't seem real at first, but then it hits you all at once. It's really over. He won't be coming to your rooms tonight, like he usually does, giving you that sheepish grin that always makes you want ravish him. He won't be ambushing you in the hallways, pulling you into alcoves and kissing you senseless, then sending you off to teach with a horribly uncharacteristic grin on your face. He won't be doing anything like that, because he left you. You always expected Remus would leave you eventually, but not like this. Not for him. For all your anticipation of loss, it still hurts. It's just salt in the wound that Sirius Black, even after twelve years in Azkaban, is still handsomer than you. Of course, there's no point in crying; it's not what you want anyway. What you want is revenge. And you get it. A single conversation, carefully staged, with that brat Malfoy nearby, and his secret is out. He won't be able to stay. You'll never have to see him again.


	5. Losing

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Remus' POV

When you learned Sirius was innocent, after so many years, you thought everything could the same as it was before Azkaban. Of course, you were wrong. In that one brief moment of ecstasy, you forgot Severus. Severus, who knew your secret. Severus, your lover, whom you betrayed. He let your secret slip, as you really ought to have expected. Of course, you couldn't stay at Hogwarts after that. How many times in the past two years have you cursed yourself for a fool? A thousand? A million? You've lost count. You left a wonderful man, not the most handsome, but in his own way he loved you. And what did you get in exchange? An escaped convict, slowly sliding into insanity and alcoholism. He stays in his room, drinking and sleeping, leaving you to sit in the library of this horrible place and think about what might have been. You could have been employed. You could have had a lasting relationship with Severus. You could have been something more than this. And to think you threw it all away for that clapped out wreck upstairs...


	6. Ending

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Severus' POV

You thought you'd never have to see him again. Unfortunately, he lives at Order headquarters with his deranged mutt, whose home it is. When you first came to the new headquarters, you expected Lupin to be happy together with the man he chose over you. But he wasn't; he was miserable, and they weren't together. It gave you a vicious kind of pleasure to see how low Remus had sunk. Playing nursemaid and housekeeper to a dipsomaniac had aged him. There was far more grey in his hair than before, and every time you saw him, he was exhausted. Eventually, far later than you should have, you realized that he was watching you. The pleading look in his eyes would have melted your heart once, back when your heart wasn't buried under a glacier. A glacier he put there, you remind yourself. He's already betrayed you once; he could easily do it again. You wouldn't dare take him back, even if you wanted to. Your sadistic side, your only side now, relishes his attempts to get you alone, and to apologize. You always cut him off, or pretend he doesn't exist. Every time it happens, his shoulders slump a little more. Let him despair. It's no more than he deserves.


End file.
